the fun and the weird and the mems (as in memories lol)

Alright, so I’m in the middle of campus center, ready to write and cry right now. The tears are sponsored by Tim McGraw’s Neon Church, and the urge to write by the curls in my hair that deserve more than being crushed in my dorm room twin bed, under the weight of my third nap this week.

So this I guess will sort of be a little life update plus some other random things that I’m sure I’ll think about as I write.

I’m currently listening to my brother’s playlist “Quarantine Country Made By Yours Truly” and when I tell you there is nothing in the world that can transport me than this playlist I mean it. The second I put it on, I felt like I was right back there on those late afternoon, sometimes sunset bike rides in April, May and June following a day of staring at a computer, eating whatever baked goods we had left over from the night before, all before doing it all again tomorrow. The anticipation of summer was slowly seeping into my mind at this point, and the hope was still there that it’d be somewhat normal.

Kieran (my brother for anyone that doesn’t know), will never really ever understand what those bike rides meant to me. I seriously miss it. And they definitely served their purpose and at what other time in our life will we have the chance to go on a bike ride every single night, but those were incredible. They were the one thing I had to look forward to, never fail.

Now, I said this playlist is the only thing that can transport me back to those memories, but I guess that was kind of a lie. Supa Lonely by BENEE hits different every single time. It's like those videos you see on Tiktok, where people are playing all the songs that were popular during quarantine, showing images of Tiger King, and whipped coffee, and weird instagram trends, and banana bread, and all that. But seriously. Holy BLEEP. That is the craziest thing in the entire world to think about. I spent months… and I mean months in nothing but sweatpants and sweatshirts relocating from my bed to my desk to my couch doing the same exact thing day after day.

It seems unfathomable, now sitting in a college common space.

I really just can’t complain at all though. I needed that time to just be with my family. I needed that time to realize that being with your family and wanting to spend your Friday and Saturday nights with your mom, dad and brothers is nothing to be ashamed of. I needed that time to cherish my childhood room and town, sort of on my own terms. That few months of getting back into running and then really really finding my love of spin, I needed that.

I needed that semester at home to sort of learn that there was much more to Long Island than I had

thought. I needed that new job, to meet people so different from the ones I had constantly been around, and these different groups of people near to spend time with to really come into myself and find a lot more confidence and really, to realize I’m a bad BLEEP and totally capable of getting the guys that I want, LOL. (Sorry if you’re reading this grandma, I swear I literally have been responsible, it was more of a realization because I had some really cool girls my age around me. And no, I haven’t gotten tatted, yet! Just kidding, I won’t be anytime soon!! HAHAH)

But yeah, I guess that brings us to where we are now.

So, I’m back at college as you probably know by now. It’s weird. It’s very different. But it is nice.

I’ve talked to my friend Julia on FaceTime a few times and we were talking about this the other day, but this is where we really are supposed to be right now, this is our generations time to EXPERIENCE college and we are in some sense, and that feels normal and nice above all else.

Some pros and cons of being back, or just weird things and fun things I’d rather say are as follows:

I’ll start with the weird. I’m just like a wee bit lost right now. There has been so much time since I was truly in like social settings and not that there’s much going on at school these days, but even the little things are just like “woah”. There has been an overwhelming amount of things that I feel like I’m sort of just thrown back into and part of me loves it, but part of me needs a nap and feels like my head’s spinning in a million different directions.

As for the fun things, I feel like a lot of that self confidence, and self trust I guess has carried over from my semester at home. Like I’ve sort of been feeling like I understand myself a little bit more this semester. Just little things that I felt like didn’t recognize in the past, I think I pay a lot more attention to now. And they’re sort of all in the same category of listening to myself, listening to my body, listening to my... heart… lol. But for real.

One of the other weird things about this semester, is just that there’s not really meeting new people going on right now. And I love that stuff. And I think that’s what keeps life exciting. But also, luckily, there are so many more little things happening in person these days, and like I’ve been starting to get involved in a few more random things so I don’t think that’ll be a struggle for long.

And then on the other side of that, LOL is that another fun thing going on this semester is just that I think I’ve gotten closer with some people who I don’t know if I would have if it wasn’t for corona. I’ve really really worked on my friendships with some people, a few in particular here that I really just feel like are some of the coolest people I’ve met, one pal in particular LOL you know who you are! :)

Soooo, yeah. I’m trying to think of anything else I want to include in this but that’s sort of the bulk of it.

I’ve gotten to see my family quite a few times, and I’m not sure if I should be sharing this but both my parents are like halfway to being vaccinated!! So YAY!!! Very happy for them. And too, with that it’s just been really nice thinking about my family recently, because the dynamic we have of just being able to text and say hi, and playing taboo and laughing our faces off, and just my family members just being my favorite people in the world is kind of like one of those moments where I’m like wow, what more can I ask for?

But… yeah! I think there was one other thing but I forget what. I should have a few more updates soon, so maybe another blog post coming soon! But it was really nice just writing this all out and I’d seriously love to know what’s going on in your lives, so please please please comment, text, dm me LITERALLY WHATEVER. Again, I write these posts cause for me and for my family and I guess some friends, it’s a fun way to measure milestones in life, and have something to look back on, to reminisce on a time in my life. BUT, also I know I can sometimes read one little sentence in something someone else wrote in an Instagram caption, or in a magazine, or hear something in a Tiktok, or a movie or something and it can legitimately change my day and sometimes my life, and they may have no idea. So, I figure by sharing my writing for me, maybe for someone else this’ll spark a thought, or like I’ll say something that might apply to your own life. SO YEAH!

Once again, thanks for reading, if you made it to the end you’re for real a real one. I hope you know I love you to pieces!! Have a lovely day and let me know if there’s anything specifically you’d like to see me write about.

ALSO!! Lol this is kind of silly but if you’d like to get emails when I post blog posts (so you can see all the secret posts I put up… jk there’s only been one) SUBSCRIBE!! If you scroll all the way to the bottom of this page you can put your email in down there. And you’re not gonna get like random emails, it’ll probably be about one every six months considering, that’s how diligent I am with posting on this bad boy. BUT YEAH I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND I’M ACTUALLY ENDING THIS NOW!! YEEHAW HAPPY TUESDAY!